How to Renew Your Attitude in Midlife When You’re Tired of Everything

There are seasons when nothing is technically wrong with your life.

And yet somehow, everything is annoying.

You’re tired of figuring out dinner.

You’re tired of cleaning the same kitchen.

You’re tired of thinking about your weight.

You’re tired of trying to motivate yourself.

You’re tired of everyone’s needs.

You’re tired of the house, the laundry, the errands, the schedules, the responsibilities—and maybe even a little tired of hearing yourself complain about all of it.

I’ve been there.

And sometimes I catch myself thinking:

Maybe I don’t need to change my entire life. Maybe I need to renew my attitude toward the life I already have.

That doesn’t mean pretending everything is wonderful.

It doesn’t mean ignoring legitimate problems.

And it definitely doesn’t mean slapping a positive quote over something that actually needs to change.

It means recognizing that I have some control over the way I experience my own life.

And sometimes, that’s the renewal I need first.

Your Attitude Can Make a Decent Life Feel Miserable

One of the uncomfortable things I’ve realized in midlife is how easy it is to develop a running commentary of negativity.

I don’t want to do this.

I’m so tired.

Why is this house always a mess?

I hate how I look.

I have so much to do.

Why can’t anyone else take care of this?

I need to lose weight.

I don’t feel like exercising.

Here we go again.

None of those thoughts seems particularly significant on its own.

But repeat them all day long?

That’s the atmosphere you’re living in.

And you’re the one who has to live inside your own head.

Eventually, everything starts feeling heavier than it actually is.

Midlife Gives Us Plenty to Have an Attitude About

To be fair, midlife isn’t exactly lacking in material.

Our bodies change.

Our energy changes.

Our kids get older—and sometimes more complicated.

Our marriages and relationships change.

Our parents get older.

We realize how quickly time is passing.

The house we’ve been taking care of for years suddenly feels like it contains approximately 47,000 objects.

We may be questioning our work, our appearance, our health, our routines and what we want the second half of our lives to look like.

There are real things to deal with.

But there’s an important distinction:

A problem is something I can address. A negative attitude is something I carry around with me while I address it.

The problem may be unavoidable.

The misery I add to it sometimes isn’t.

First: Listen to Yourself for One Day

Before trying to become more positive, pay attention to what’s already happening.

For one day, notice your internal commentary.

What do you complain about repeatedly?

What do you dread before it even happens?

What do you constantly tell yourself about your body?

What assumptions do you make about your day before it’s even started?

How often do you think some version of:

I can’t.

I don’t want to.

This sucks.

I’m too tired.

What’s the point?

I’ll never stick with it anyway.

Don’t judge yourself for it.

Just notice it.

You can’t renew something you haven’t identified.

Want to see what’s really affecting your attitude?
Download my free Complaint Audit and use it for a day to catch the complaints you may not even realize you’re repeating. It will help you identify what keeps frustrating you—and start separating the things you can change from the things you may need to accept or approach differently.

→ Get the Free Complaint Audit

Decide Which Complaints Need Action

Here’s where I think a lot of positive-thinking advice gets it wrong.

Sometimes your bad attitude is trying to tell you something.

If you’re constantly complaining about your clutter, maybe you don’t need to become more grateful for the clutter.

You need to get rid of some stuff.

If you complain every night because you have no idea what to make for dinner, create a simple meal system.

If you’re constantly frustrated by how sluggish you feel, start looking at your sleep, food, movement and health.

If one commitment makes you miserable every single week, ask whether you still need to be doing it.

If you’re resentful because you do everything for everyone, perhaps a conversation or boundary is overdue.

Before telling yourself to stop complaining, ask:

Is there something here I could actually change?

Sometimes renewing your attitude starts by finally dealing with what’s causing it.

Then Stop Rehearsing the Complaints You Can’t Fix Today

Other things aren’t going away.

There will be laundry tomorrow.

Someone will leave something on the counter.

You will occasionally be tired.

Traffic will continue to exist.

People will annoy you.

Your body will continue aging.

Not every meal will be exciting.

Some days will simply be ordinary.

At some point, repeatedly being angry about the ordinary inconveniences of life becomes more exhausting than the inconveniences themselves.

I’ve started asking myself:

Do I want to spend this much of my life irritated by this?

Because that’s really the question.

I’m in my midlife years now.

My time matters to me differently than it used to.

I don’t want to give enormous portions of it away to annoyance.

Replace “I Have To” With “I Get To”—But Make It Real

You’ve probably heard this advice before.

Instead of saying I have to exercise, say I get to exercise.

Sometimes that sounds incredibly cheesy.

But there’s something underneath it that’s worth considering.

I can resent taking care of my house—or remember that having a home to take care of is something I once wanted.

I can complain about making dinner—or recognize that sitting around a table with people I love isn’t going to be available forever.

I can hate exercising—or remember that having a body capable of getting stronger is a privilege I don’t want to waste.

I can complain about getting older—or recognize the obvious alternative.

You don’t have to romanticize every chore.

But perspective matters.

Sometimes the thing irritating us today is something we’re going to miss someday.

Stop Waiting to Be in a Good Mood Before You Have a Good Day

This may be one of the biggest attitude shifts I’m working on.

I don’t have to feel like it first.

I can put music on.

Open the blinds.

Take a shower.

Fix my hair.

Go outside.

Clean one room.

Take a walk.

Make something healthy.

Call someone.

Turn off my phone.

Start the thing I’ve been avoiding.

Sometimes we treat our mood like it’s the boss.

It isn’t.

Your feelings are real, but they don’t have to determine what happens next.

And surprisingly often, action changes attitude faster than thinking does.

Give Yourself Something to Look Forward To

Sometimes what looks like a bad attitude is actually boredom.

When every week becomes:

work
errands
laundry
dinner
cleaning
appointments
repeat

it’s not surprising that life starts feeling flat.

So put something back into it.

Not someday.

This week.

Plan lunch somewhere new.

Buy flowers at the grocery store.

Go somewhere you’ve never been.

Start a project.

Change your bedroom around.

Take yourself shopping.

Plan a weekend away.

Try a class.

Invite someone over.

Wear the outfit you’ve been saving.

Make Saturday feel different from Tuesday.

We don’t have to wait for a vacation or major life event to give ourselves something to anticipate.

Start Looking for Evidence That Your Life Is Good

Your brain gets very good at finding whatever you repeatedly ask it to find.

If you’re constantly scanning for what’s wrong, you’ll find plenty.

So deliberately start looking in the other direction too.

What was good today?

What made you laugh?

What did your body allow you to do?

What did someone do for you?

What did you accomplish?

What are you thankful you no longer have to deal with?

What is easier today than it was five years ago?

What’s something ordinary about your current life that your younger self would have loved?

This is one reason I created my 90-Day Midlife Renewal Journal.

The point isn’t to pretend life is perfect for 90 days.

It’s to intentionally check in with yourself instead of letting the days blur together.

A few minutes of reflection in the morning and evening can start revealing patterns: what makes you feel better, what keeps dragging you down, what you want more of and what needs to change.

And perhaps most importantly, it makes you pay attention to your own life while you’re living it.

But Don’t Just Think Differently. Do Something Differently.

This is where attitude renewal can turn into another trap.

You read something inspiring.

You feel motivated.

You decide you’re going to be more positive.

And three days later you’re standing in the kitchen irritated about something again.

That’s why I believe renewal needs action.

My Midlife Renewal Action Series was created around that idea.

Instead of trying to overhaul your entire life, you choose an area that needs attention and start taking small, concrete actions.

Nutrition.

Fitness.

Mind.

Home.

Energy.

Faith.

Phone habits.

Because there’s something powerful about proving to yourself:

I’m not stuck here. I can do something.

Even small action changes the way you see yourself.

You’re no longer the woman constantly saying she needs to get her life together.

You’re becoming the woman who does something about it.

Try a 7-Day Attitude Renewal

For the next seven days, don’t try to become a completely different person.

Just practice these five things:

1. Catch one recurring complaint.
   Notice the negative thought you repeat most often.
2. Decide whether it needs acceptance or action.
   If you can change it, take one step. If you can’t, stop giving it so much airtime.
3. Do one thing before you feel like doing it.
   Walk. Clean. Cook. Get dressed. Make the phone call. Start before motivation arrives.
4. Create one good moment on purpose.
   Don’t wait for your day to become enjoyable. Put something enjoyable into it.
5. End the day looking for what was good.
   Even on a frustrating day, find three things worth noticing.

Do that for seven days and simply observe what happens.

Not necessarily to your circumstances.

To you.

Maybe Your Life Doesn’t Need to Be Blown Up

There’s a temptation in midlife to look around and think:

Something needs to change.

And sometimes something absolutely does.

Change the job.

Lose the weight.

Have the conversation.

Declutter the house.

Make the appointment.

Set the boundary.

Start the project.

But sometimes we keep searching for a new life when what we really need is a new relationship with the life we’re already living.

There are things in my life I want to improve.

There are things I’m actively working to change.

There are things I’m probably going to complain about again tomorrow.

I’m human.

But I also don’t want to look back on perfectly decent years of my life and realize I spent them perpetually irritated, dissatisfied, distracted or waiting for something better.

This is my life right now.

Not the life I’ll have when I lose the weight.

Not when the house is organized.

Not when everyone else gets their act together.

Not when I finally feel motivated.

This one.

And while I’m working on renewing everything else, maybe one of the most important projects I can take on is renewing the attitude I bring to it.

Because I may not be able to choose everything that happens in this season of my life.

But I can choose how much of it I’m willing to spend complaining about being here.

Keep Your Renewal Going

Renewing your attitude doesn’t have to stop here. If something in this post hit home, keep going with one of these next:

If you’re tired of complaining but aren’t sure what actually needs to change:
→ The Midlife Complaint Reset: How to Stop Complaining and Start Changing What You Can

If you know something needs to change but can’t seem to make yourself do it:
→ How to Change Your Life When You Don’t Feel Like It

If you’ve been thinking about how much time you’ve wasted or wishing you’d started sooner:
→ The Grief of Realizing You’ve Wasted Time—and Why It’s Not Too Late

If you’re ready to stop thinking about change and actually create some momentum:
→ How to Create Massive Momentum in 30 Days